06-10-04
My Future
I ponder what will become of me in the future. I think of all the things I hope to acheive...
But then all the things that might fail. I want a pretty future, But things look dim. Right now I'm alone.
I don't want to be alone...And even if it's not forever- It's now.
Nothing ever changes how I feel.
There have been s0o many nights where I've cried & hoped for strength,wished for change.
But still- I remain pathetic.
And all the things around me that should be beautiful...Have also remained pathetic.
When the early morning hours kiss my sleep soaked face, My nightmares come back to me in a rush.
I wish I didn't remember, because the horror is more than I can bare.
My headache persists...& It never stops. It never fuckin stops!
I don't know how much longer I can continue to keep this god forsayken, [crescent moon-shaped] guise...pasted across my face.
Maybe they just need to see the tears being shed... The grotesque distortions of wrinkled up pain; The blood pouring from my bruised veins.
Maybe then they'll see. Maybe it's the only freaken way.
Inside,and in my nightmares, I keep shouting"This can't fuckin be real!"
I am trapped still_In an eternal state of pain, falsehood; Longing for any other place to be.
Anywhere but here. Anything but this...
I wonder what will become of my future.
-Angie