03-15-04
I JuSt WaNt iT To GO AWAY!!
I feel bad for feeling how i feel...
for being the way i am.
I just worry & confuse people, and i really don't mean to.
I wish they could understand what im going through...how i feel.
But they can't...unless you've gone through it or are now, you won't.
I used to make an effort to not smoke or drink, because i just knew i should't have...so i tried & efforted myself.
Effort...something at the moment/& lately..i've seriously been lacking.
Sometimes i forget i haven't eaten, and force myself to eat...when theres food.
I don't care now..about trying to be good.about my life.why should i?
Should i care if i choose to smoke or w/e?
Sometimes i just want medication.
I feel like i need it..& im not even on any.
What does it matter if i feel like ODing...is that a suicidal thought?
Can you understand...
I just want the fuckin pain to go away!!
It never goes away...
It never goes away.It makes me sick.
And what seemed once bearable..
Is becoming more & more unbearable as each day goes by.
I need help..I know that now.
I need to understand,cope,..& deal with how i feel & what i feel.
I know i can't get instant results,
or be automatically fixed.
But i wish it could.
I don't want to put the people i care for through this...not now, not anymore.
I just want the pain to go away!!...
How long must i continue like this?
..My world & life is falling apart..